Brainard Funeral Home

Funeral Etiquette

Many options to honor your loved one

Services

A Private Service is by invitation only. It can be held at a place of worship, a funeral or family home. Usually relatives and a few close friends attend the service. Public visitation, condolences, and viewing of the body are also options.
A Memorial Service is held without the body present and can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the community and religious affiliations. Some families prefer public visitations followed by private or graveside services with a memorial service held later at the church or funeral home.

Music

There are no rules about the number of songs to be used in a service. The only limit is time. If a person was a great lover of music, then it is appropriate to fill a great portion of the service with music. Some churches have rules concerning the music that can be used in the church, but funeral homes have no such rules and usually can find the songs requested.

Receptions

Reception are often planned after the service. These need not be long or elaborate. Simply gathering the family in the foyer or reception hall and letting friends have a time of sharing is all that is necessary. Sometimes simple refreshments such as coffee and tea are served. Sometimes these receptions are held immediately after the funeral, and then the family has a private burial afterwards. Often everyone goes to the cemetery and then returns for the reception.
This provides a wonderful time for the friends to tell the family how much the person means to them,. It provides one more opportunity for establishing and sharing the significance of the person who has died.

Pallbearers

Friends, relatives, church members or business associates may serve as pallbearers. Brainard can secure pallbearers if requested.
Honorary Pallbearers—If your loved one has been active in political, business, church or civic circles you can request close associates to serve as honorary pallbearers. But, they do not actively carry the casket.

Eulogy

A Eulogy may be given by a member of your family, clergy, a close personal friend or a business associate of the deceased. The eulogy is generally brief, offers praise, recognition for past accomplishments, and reflection about the life of your loved one.

Dress Appropriately.

Take note that colorful clothing is considered appropriate attire for funerals. However, show good taste and dignity in your choices out of respect for the family and the solemn occasion.

Funeral Procession/Cortege

Funeral attendees may accompany the family to the burial site. The procession is formed at the funeral home or place of worship. Our staff will advise you about traffic regulations and the procedures to follow.

Offering Condolences

Death can cause confusion for family members. Expressing your sympathy helps offer comfort and support at this difficult time.
Sending flowers is a beautiful way of expressing sympathy. If sent to the residence, a planter or vase of flowers is suggested. The florist will place an identification card in the arrangement. If sent to the funeral home, our staff will be sure the family receives the cards for acknowledgments.

Mass Cards offer an arrangement of a Mass for the deceased and can be a valued expression of sympathy to a Catholic family. Mass cards are given by Catholic and non-Catholic friends and can be obtained from any Catholic parish. Brainard also has Mass Cards. Make sure that your name and address is legible and that you list your postal code. This will make it easier for the family to acknowledge your gift.

Bring pictures for display at the funeral. Arranging of the display can be an act of love that has a great deal of meaning for those who perform the task. People attending the funeral enjoy seeing the visual life story of your loved one.

Giving a memorial donations to a specific cause or charity in the name of the deceased can be as appreciated as flowers. Many families have preferred memorials, if not, many charitable institutions welcome memorial gifts that are often tax deductible. Our staff is familiar with them and can explain your options, as well as furnish donors with In Memorial cards, which are given to the family.

Sending a sympathy card, even if you are only an acquaintance, is appropriate. It means so much to the family members to know they are in your thoughts. The card should be in good taste and in keeping with your relationship to the family of the deceased.

Writing a personal note of sympathy is very meaningful. Express yourself openly and sincerely. An expression such as, “I'm sorry to learn of your personal loss” is a welcome sign of your care and concern for the family. Personal notes are often kept and read often as the family goes through the grieving process.

A telephone call to a family member(s) is an opportunity to offer your services and let the family know you care. If they wish to discuss their loss, listen, and don't hesitate to share favorite memories about the deceased, as well as comforting thoughts.

Attending the Visitation is an eloquent statement that you care. Visitation offers the time and place for friends to offer their expression of sorrow and sympathy. It is a comfortable setting that is often less awkward than approaching a family member at the office, supermarket or social activity.

Sympathy can be expressed by clasping hands, an embrace, or a simple statement of condolence, such as: “I'm sorry”, “My sympathy to you”, “It was good to know John”, “John was a fine person and a friend of mine. He will be missed”, “My sympathy to your mother.” The family member in return may say: “Thanks for coming”, “John talked about you often”, “I didn’t realize so many people cared”, “Come see me when you can”. Encourage the bereaved to express their feelings and thoughts, but don't overwhelm them.

Use your own judgment on how long you should stay at the funeral home or place of visitation. If your presence is needed offer to stay. When the funeral service is over, survivors often feel alone in dealing with their feelings. It is important that they know you are still there. Keep in touch.

The obituary/death notice will give visitation times when the family will be present. Other special services such as lodge or prayer services will also be listed. You can also pay your respects when the family is not present during suggested hours of the day or evening. Friends and relatives are requested to sign the register book. A person's full name should be listed e.g. " Mrs. John Doe". If the person is a business associate, it is proper to list their affiliation as the family may not be familiar with their relationship to the deceased.

Acknowledgments

Send acknowledgments to let friends and relatives know how much you appreciate their expressions of kindness. Gifts of food, pallbearers and others who provide thoughtful acts should be acknowledged. The funeral director may have available printed acknowledgment cards which can be used by the family. The note can be short, such as: “Thank you for the beautiful roses. The arrangement was lovely”, “The food you sent was so enjoyed by our family. Your kindness is deeply appreciated.” In some communities it is a practice to insert a public thank you in the newspaper. Brainard can assist you with the details.

Children and funerals

At a very early age, children have an awareness of and a response to death and should be given the option to attend visitation and the funeral service. The funeral director can advise you on how to assist children at the time of a funeral and can provide you with additional information and literature.